It's Catch Up day!!

It's about time I got back to my blog and I'll have to apologize for being gone so long. A couple of weeks or more have passed since my last post that left you in a 'bad place'. I'm relieved to say that 'things' have smoothed over with dad and we are okay now. He called the next day after we had a terrible meeting and he apologized for his anger and for talking like he did. I briefly said to him that I was sorry too and that I only wanted his love and approval but that he still needed to be more careful not to carry so much money when he left home. He seemed to agree but I still, to this day, do not know what he carries in his wallet. We are moving on to climb other obstacles.

Dad was in the hospital for two days somewhere during October. He complained with having trouble breathing and said he 'hurt' in his chest. Turned out he had pleuresy and the beginnings of pneumonia. In the hospital he was given a high powered antibiotic through an IV and he went home with more antibiotics to take by mouth. He got to feeling better several days after he got home and was back to 'normal'. Then --- a week or so after that episode, he called Jackie at work and said he could not breathe and he needed to go to the ER. He waited until Mary left for the day which was around 1:00 p.m. Jackie left work and took him to the ER where I met them a little later. They did blood work, another chest x-ray and had him on a heart monitor for several hours. They could not find anything wrong with him and when Dr. Barksdale came by in the afternoon, he let dad go home with a prescription for Xanax. He seemed to think dad was having a type of panic attack. He told dad to take the pill only when he thought he was starting to 'hurt' and to lay back in his recliner and give it a while to work. After initially questioning this decision and after Jackie and I talked about it at the ER, we figured it might not be a bad idea. This brought to mind something that I think we need to talk about with daddy. We think dad is scared of dying --- to the point that he gets where he can't breathe and he wants someone with him. He did wait until Mary left before he called Jackie but I wonder if he wasn't feeling well and it got worse after he realized he was alone. He decided to call Jackie who works fairly close by to take him to be 'checked out'.
I'm leaving dad now to go off on something I want to say ---- I know that dying is something we all are going to do. Christians need have no fear of death -- we know what is next -- in the blink of an eye we will be in a much, much better place. I guess since we are all human, the 'unknown' is something to fear. This is where a Christian's faith comes in. Hebrews 11:1 says, "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Think of your birthday when you were young. You were excited and anxious for gifts and special things on that day. But, some things were also a surprise. Birthdays combine assurance and anticipation. Does not 'faith'do this too? Faith is the conviction based on past experience that God's new and fresh surprises will surely be ours. The two words that describe faith are 'sure' and 'certain'. We begin by knowing that God is who he says he is, and we end with believing in God's promises -- that he will do what he says he will do. When we believe that God will fulfill his promises even though we don't see those promises materializing yet, we demonstrate true faith. John 20:29 quotes Jesus when he was speaking to doubting Thomas -- "Because you have seen me, you have believed, blessed are those who have NOT seen and yet have believed."
So ---- I don't know exactly what to do about my dad at this moment. I know he has faith. Am I in a place where I should talk with him about 'faith'?? Who am I to preach to my father who served as an Elder in the church for many years?? Should I maybe ask someone else to talk with him?? Why do I feel so compelled to bring up 'dying' and ask him if he is ready?? It makes me so very sad to think that he is afraid to die. Am I reading it wrong?? Should I just keep quiet and let him struggle with this by himself?? My dad is a fighter. We all know that. I wish he were more a 'lover'. lol I want so badly for he and mother to live out the remainder of their lives in peace and comfort -- knowing that they are SO loved by so many friends and family. Why do I feel like he is fighting 'the end' with everything in him?? I've heard my mother say so many times that she is ready to go be with her Lord. I've never heard my daddy say that. Please friends --- help me with this one. I --- deep down in my heart and soul --- need to know how to help him. Or maybe I just need to let him alone. Maybe it's just me --- reading it all wrong.
Please pray for my mother and father -- God knows what they need and I DO know that he will never forsake them. They are in His hands.
This was a long post. I feel like I may have said things wrong -- that I couldn't explain what I wanted to say from my soul. Please understand ---