Dear Blog,
I had planned to sign in and change some 'things' I said in my last post but, I changed my mind. Instead, let me try to just say something here and hopefully you will understand a little better.
My dad has not changed in his old age when it comes to being very active, headstrong, and impatient. It is a known fact by all his friends and family that Jack doesn't stay anywhere for very long. If you have him for lunch or supper or Christmas dinner or Thanksgiving, etc. he happily comes and seems to enjoy the company of everyone. After we eat, he is pretty much ready to go. He has always been this way and even though we laugh about it now, he hasn't changed over the years. We joke about the time Joan and I went with he and mother out west -- in 1998 I believe it was. We saw so many places that I will probably never see again in my lifetime, my favorite being the Grand Canyon. When we arrived, the main road into the most popular part of the Canyon was busy with cars and vacationers. We could not find a park anywhere. Dad told mom, me and Joan to just get out of the car and go see the Canyon and that he would drive around and come back and get us in a few minutes. So -- here we go, the three of us walking toward the rim to take a peek. AWESOME, AWESOME!! I could have just sat there all day looking at God's handiwork. Mom wouldn't let us go far due to the fact that we had to keep an eye out for the car when dad got back around to where he let us out. That was our visit to the most beautiful place on earth IMHO (in my humble opinion). We kid about the fact that he slowed down, we jumped out, ran over to the rim, took a quick look, and then jumped back in the car and off we went to the next 'stop' on our trip. Thank goodness, I had one more chance to go back to the Grand Canyon when Jim and I went with mom and dad some years later to most of the same places we had seen in 1998. In 1998, the goal of that trip was for my dad to see the Redwood Forest. Here again, we actually got to the national park before it opened but we were able to drive through a narrow road and see the magnificent trees. We even parked one time and got out and took pictures. Then we jump back into the car and that was our visit to the Redwood Forest. We were then on our way home from that point on.
So, it is just a fact that my daddy 'don't let any grass grow under his feet'. The most heartbreaking thing that has happened to my daddy is that his eyesight got so bad that he had to quit driving and could not jump up and go when he wanted to. He is at the mercy of the caregiver or us so now he has to sit and wait until somebody takes him home if we are together as a family group. We have come to watch for his 'pacing' and we know he's ready to go. We accept how he is and understand he has been that way as long as we've known him. Maybe I'm seeing his 'uneasiness' or whatever you want to call it, as discontentment when it's just 'him'. I want so badly for him to quit fighting so hard and to simply be content and happy with his life. Well, dear blog, that's not who my daddy is and it never will be. I want him to have a 'PEACE' but he just can't -- not like I interpret 'peace'. I think he will pace until which time the Lord calls him home. I hope you understand now? I love my daddy so much. I want him to be happy and not to worry about anything. I want him to let us take care of him. I guess I'm the one who needs 'peace' about his 'pacing'.
I titled this post to let you know of a change that is going to take place. Jack and Eula's three girls have been through some tough times in the last couple of years with our parents. We were able to get a wonderful lady named Mary Ann to take care of them part of the day. She has been a God-send for us as well as mother and daddy. Starting at the first of the new year, my older sister, Joan, will be taking on a new job as mom and dad's caregiver. She will be retiring from her nursing job at Baptist South. The logistics are wonderful in that she will be able to be with them most of the day -- a little longer than Mary stays now. Dad is happy for her to be with them and mother is ecstatic. Joan has been working 12 hr. shifts at the hospital from 7:00 a.m.-7:00 p.m. for many years so she will have an adjustment getting back to a 'normal' day. She is looking forward to it needless to say. For now mom and dad are okay at night and do not need 24 hr. care. One day they will and we'll cross that bridge when it comes. So --- this is our 'change'. We know it will be for the better and are thrilled to be able to help mom and dad stay in their home. I ask my blog readers to please pray for Joan to have the patience and endurance she needs for this new endeavor in her life.
All for now ---- more later. I need to tell you about Halloween night and what happened to mother -- thanks to my daddy taking her next door to see the neighbor's very animated witchly decorations.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Monday, November 2, 2009
It's Catch Up day!!
It's about time I got back to my blog and I'll have to apologize for being gone so long. A couple of weeks or more have passed since my last post that left you in a 'bad place'. I'm relieved to say that 'things' have smoothed over with dad and we are okay now. He called the next day after we had a terrible meeting and he apologized for his anger and for talking like he did. I briefly said to him that I was sorry too and that I only wanted his love and approval but that he still needed to be more careful not to carry so much money when he left home. He seemed to agree but I still, to this day, do not know what he carries in his wallet. We are moving on to climb other obstacles.
Dad was in the hospital for two days somewhere during October. He complained with having trouble breathing and said he 'hurt' in his chest. Turned out he had pleuresy and the beginnings of pneumonia. In the hospital he was given a high powered antibiotic through an IV and he went home with more antibiotics to take by mouth. He got to feeling better several days after he got home and was back to 'normal'. Then --- a week or so after that episode, he called Jackie at work and said he could not breathe and he needed to go to the ER. He waited until Mary left for the day which was around 1:00 p.m. Jackie left work and took him to the ER where I met them a little later. They did blood work, another chest x-ray and had him on a heart monitor for several hours. They could not find anything wrong with him and when Dr. Barksdale came by in the afternoon, he let dad go home with a prescription for Xanax. He seemed to think dad was having a type of panic attack. He told dad to take the pill only when he thought he was starting to 'hurt' and to lay back in his recliner and give it a while to work. After initially questioning this decision and after Jackie and I talked about it at the ER, we figured it might not be a bad idea. This brought to mind something that I think we need to talk about with daddy. We think dad is scared of dying --- to the point that he gets where he can't breathe and he wants someone with him. He did wait until Mary left before he called Jackie but I wonder if he wasn't feeling well and it got worse after he realized he was alone. He decided to call Jackie who works fairly close by to take him to be 'checked out'.
I'm leaving dad now to go off on something I want to say ---- I know that dying is something we all are going to do. Christians need have no fear of death -- we know what is next -- in the blink of an eye we will be in a much, much better place. I guess since we are all human, the 'unknown' is something to fear. This is where a Christian's faith comes in. Hebrews 11:1 says, "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Think of your birthday when you were young. You were excited and anxious for gifts and special things on that day. But, some things were also a surprise. Birthdays combine assurance and anticipation. Does not 'faith'do this too? Faith is the conviction based on past experience that God's new and fresh surprises will surely be ours. The two words that describe faith are 'sure' and 'certain'. We begin by knowing that God is who he says he is, and we end with believing in God's promises -- that he will do what he says he will do. When we believe that God will fulfill his promises even though we don't see those promises materializing yet, we demonstrate true faith. John 20:29 quotes Jesus when he was speaking to doubting Thomas -- "Because you have seen me, you have believed, blessed are those who have NOT seen and yet have believed."
So ---- I don't know exactly what to do about my dad at this moment. I know he has faith. Am I in a place where I should talk with him about 'faith'?? Who am I to preach to my father who served as an Elder in the church for many years?? Should I maybe ask someone else to talk with him?? Why do I feel so compelled to bring up 'dying' and ask him if he is ready?? It makes me so very sad to think that he is afraid to die. Am I reading it wrong?? Should I just keep quiet and let him struggle with this by himself?? My dad is a fighter. We all know that. I wish he were more a 'lover'. lol I want so badly for he and mother to live out the remainder of their lives in peace and comfort -- knowing that they are SO loved by so many friends and family. Why do I feel like he is fighting 'the end' with everything in him?? I've heard my mother say so many times that she is ready to go be with her Lord. I've never heard my daddy say that. Please friends --- help me with this one. I --- deep down in my heart and soul --- need to know how to help him. Or maybe I just need to let him alone. Maybe it's just me --- reading it all wrong.
Please pray for my mother and father -- God knows what they need and I DO know that he will never forsake them. They are in His hands.
This was a long post. I feel like I may have said things wrong -- that I couldn't explain what I wanted to say from my soul. Please understand ---
Dad was in the hospital for two days somewhere during October. He complained with having trouble breathing and said he 'hurt' in his chest. Turned out he had pleuresy and the beginnings of pneumonia. In the hospital he was given a high powered antibiotic through an IV and he went home with more antibiotics to take by mouth. He got to feeling better several days after he got home and was back to 'normal'. Then --- a week or so after that episode, he called Jackie at work and said he could not breathe and he needed to go to the ER. He waited until Mary left for the day which was around 1:00 p.m. Jackie left work and took him to the ER where I met them a little later. They did blood work, another chest x-ray and had him on a heart monitor for several hours. They could not find anything wrong with him and when Dr. Barksdale came by in the afternoon, he let dad go home with a prescription for Xanax. He seemed to think dad was having a type of panic attack. He told dad to take the pill only when he thought he was starting to 'hurt' and to lay back in his recliner and give it a while to work. After initially questioning this decision and after Jackie and I talked about it at the ER, we figured it might not be a bad idea. This brought to mind something that I think we need to talk about with daddy. We think dad is scared of dying --- to the point that he gets where he can't breathe and he wants someone with him. He did wait until Mary left before he called Jackie but I wonder if he wasn't feeling well and it got worse after he realized he was alone. He decided to call Jackie who works fairly close by to take him to be 'checked out'.
I'm leaving dad now to go off on something I want to say ---- I know that dying is something we all are going to do. Christians need have no fear of death -- we know what is next -- in the blink of an eye we will be in a much, much better place. I guess since we are all human, the 'unknown' is something to fear. This is where a Christian's faith comes in. Hebrews 11:1 says, "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Think of your birthday when you were young. You were excited and anxious for gifts and special things on that day. But, some things were also a surprise. Birthdays combine assurance and anticipation. Does not 'faith'do this too? Faith is the conviction based on past experience that God's new and fresh surprises will surely be ours. The two words that describe faith are 'sure' and 'certain'. We begin by knowing that God is who he says he is, and we end with believing in God's promises -- that he will do what he says he will do. When we believe that God will fulfill his promises even though we don't see those promises materializing yet, we demonstrate true faith. John 20:29 quotes Jesus when he was speaking to doubting Thomas -- "Because you have seen me, you have believed, blessed are those who have NOT seen and yet have believed."
So ---- I don't know exactly what to do about my dad at this moment. I know he has faith. Am I in a place where I should talk with him about 'faith'?? Who am I to preach to my father who served as an Elder in the church for many years?? Should I maybe ask someone else to talk with him?? Why do I feel so compelled to bring up 'dying' and ask him if he is ready?? It makes me so very sad to think that he is afraid to die. Am I reading it wrong?? Should I just keep quiet and let him struggle with this by himself?? My dad is a fighter. We all know that. I wish he were more a 'lover'. lol I want so badly for he and mother to live out the remainder of their lives in peace and comfort -- knowing that they are SO loved by so many friends and family. Why do I feel like he is fighting 'the end' with everything in him?? I've heard my mother say so many times that she is ready to go be with her Lord. I've never heard my daddy say that. Please friends --- help me with this one. I --- deep down in my heart and soul --- need to know how to help him. Or maybe I just need to let him alone. Maybe it's just me --- reading it all wrong.
Please pray for my mother and father -- God knows what they need and I DO know that he will never forsake them. They are in His hands.
This was a long post. I feel like I may have said things wrong -- that I couldn't explain what I wanted to say from my soul. Please understand ---
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